I Missed You
by jhplug
Summary: Derek was almost too scared to turn around. Afraid that this was all a dream…that he would get his hopes up but she really wouldn't be there. Time felt like it had slowed down as he slowly started to turn towards the conference room door, praying that she was real.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! I know some of you are probably wondering where the next chapter of "The Lies That Bind" is and it's coming. I promise. I'm trying to get a little further ahead so this is the only long break you'll have between chapters. To hold you over until then, here's a little two shot that just came to me and basically wrote itself. It's a little racy and not something that I normally write. Part One is below and not rated M but the next part will be. Would love to hear your feedback. **

**I Missed You: Part One**

As soon as Hotch said her name, his heart started to pound. So hard that he could actually feel it pulsating in his ears. Hotch's voice sounded further and further away and Derek was barely registering the words. But there was one thing he could distinctly make out. "She was airlifted to Bethesda…." It felt as if time stopped and he was back in the warehouse with her

"_Let me go." _

"_No! No! I am NOT letting you go. I know why you did all of this. I know what you did for Declan. And I'm so proud of you. I'm proud because you are my friend and you are my partner." _

"_WHERE IS MY MEDIC?"_

"_No Emily! If you can hear me, just squeeze my hand."_

"_That's it, baby. Just keep squeezing."_

"She's alive?" His head whipped around towards Garcia and then Reid. "But we buried her…"

And finally he found his voice. "Any issues? Yeah I got issues." But any further discussion halted as a grin broke out on JJ's face. Derek was almost too scared to turn around. Afraid that this was all a dream…that he would get his hopes up but she really wouldn't be there. Time felt like it had slowed down as he slowly started to turn towards the conference room door, praying that she was real.

Emily was standing there, looking…relieved maybe? Guilty? He wasn't sure. There were so many emotions running through him he couldn't pinpoint just one and had no idea how to react. Part of him wanted to storm out of the room…to hell with these people. What right did Hotch and JJ have to play with their emotions like that? To lie about matters of life and death. They were supposed to be family. Derek certainly wasn't all-knowing but he knew that much…family didn't put one of their own through pain like this intentionally…they didn't put the knife in and twist … For God's sake, Hotch made them all go through grief counseling and the whole time he knew that he could take it all away by just trusting each of them with the news of the fact that she was alive and well and living in Paris for the last seven months. Seven _hellish_ months.

The other part of him, the part that missed her so much that he felt like he was missing a limb, wanted to march over to her and sweep her up in his arms, never letting go. But instead he just stared because no matter what he wanted to do, he felt like he was physically stuck in the same spot, completely unable to make a move in either direction.

In the end, he didn't have to. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, apologizing for the pain she had put him through. The pain she had put all of them through. It felt surreal to Derek. That he had floated out of his body and was watching someone else have this exchange with her. That it wasn't real.

The knock at his door startled out of his daydream. There was some baseball game on television. Orioles? Nationals? He couldn't be sure because for the last hour he had been staring at his television but all he was really seeing was her dying in his arms. Over and over again. But that really didn't happen, did it? Until a few weeks ago, that image replayed in his head over and over again for seven straight months. The image where she could barely keep her eyes open, her hands lightly squeezing his, while blood seeped out of a hole in her stomach onto the cement floor. It was an extremely graphic and disturbing image. One that had haunted him day and night for the last seven months. But now…it almost felt surreal. It had happened. That much he was sure. But in the weeks since this whole almost year-long nightmare had finally come to an end: a shootout that included three Irish terrorists, the FBI, a former CIA spy, and a twelve-year old kid; their whole team being suspended from the FBI during a Senate investigation; and the Senate inquiry that had ended earlier that day —now he could finally see the rest of that fateful night play out. The rest of the night had previously been a blur to him. But now every second of it was clear to him. The paramedics, nurses and various hospital personnel physically restraining him at the door to the OR, preventing him from keeping his hold on her, from making sure she was going to be okay; Entering the waiting room where his friends—his family—held vigil for the agent that, for all of the lies they discovered that she had told, was still a member of this team, of their family; Gripping Garcia's hand, scared to death but somehow knowing that she was going to be alright and then having all hope effectively crushed as he caught the look on JJ's face when she entered the waiting room with the news that would change their team, their lives, forever.

But none of it was real anymore. Boy, JJ deserved an Oscar for what she pulled that night. Fooling the most elite profilers in the world and convincing them with one look and one simple statement that Emily was dead. How did they not see through her at the time? They were taught to read behavior, to watch for signals that someone was lying and none of them caught it. Some crack team of profilers they were. But then again, no one was profiling JJ that night because why in the hell would JJ ever lie to them about something like this. This wasn't some thug off the street that they were trying to shake down for leads in a case. This was JJ telling them that Emily was dead. And none of them were any wiser.

Derek was shaken from his thoughts again by the persistent knocking at his door. Whoever it was wasn't going away and from the sound of the tv and the lights on inside, they weren't fooled and knew he was there. He slowly made his way towards the front door of his home and the one person he was really hoping it wouldn't be was standing at his door.

"Hi." Emily greeted, her eyes looking pained and saying a hell of a lot more than the simple word that fell from her lips. "Can I come in?"

Derek didn't move at first, studying her, wondering if this whole day had been a dream and she wasn't really standing in front of him. She opened her mouth to speak and he cut her off by stepping aside and waving her in. "Sure."

Emily stepped past him as she moved inside of the foyer. "I hope it's okay that I just came by and didn't call first. I hope you're not too busy?" She phrased it as a question, hoping he would reassure her that it was fine but he just stood there, expressionless. "I thought about calling but I honestly didn't think you'd pick up." In the last several weeks since she had been back in DC, Derek had only spoken to her a handful of times. It was understandable, really. She knew he took things very personally and that he wore his emotions on his sleeve. And she had lied to him. Repeatedly. For six years she pretended to be someone she wasn't. And of all of them, even including Reid, she knew it would be Derek who she would have to work the hardest for forgiveness. At least Reid seemed happy to see her the day she showed up in the BAU after having been "dead" for months. Derek looked shell-shocked more than anything which turned almost to indifference over the last several weeks. The first words he'd spoken to her since they wrapped Doyle's case was earlier that day after the Senate hearing when he asked her what she had said to the committee to get them to lift the suspension. And really…how could she blame him?

"I probably wouldn't have," Derek admitted.

Her face fell but she wasn't surprised. She had hurt them. She had hurt _him_ with her lies. "I'm so sorry, Derek," Emily whispered, restraining herself from reaching out and touching his arm, shoulder, whatever was in reach. "I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to keep you in the dark. But I had—"

"No choice," he interrupted, smiling slightly, although it didn't reach his eyes. "I know, Emily. You really don't need to apologize again."

"Sorry," she whispered, sheepishly. "Can we talk?" Derek nodded, leading her into the living room where the baseball game played on. He picked up the remote and turned off the television, deciding that he wanted to give her his full attention, that he wanted her full attention.

For a minute they just sat there, both avoiding looking at each other, while Emily gathered her thoughts. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much she wanted him to know about her time in Paris; about why she kept him in the dark about, not just the fact that she was alive, but about her past with the CIA and Interpol. But no matter how many times she had rehearsed this very moment in her head, she couldn't quite figure out where to begin.

"You wanted to talk, Emily," Derek interrupted the silence in his house. "So talk."

"I know you're mad," she began. "I know you feel betrayed and not just about the fact that Hotch, JJ and I lied to all of you. But about the fact that I didn't tell you what was going on in the months before all of this went down."

"I _was _mad," he admitted, feeling relieved that he was finally able to tell her everything that he had been feeling over the last couple of weeks. "But honestly, Emily, I'm more hurt than anything. Before you left for Boston, you looked me in the eye and swore to me that you were okay and then you turned around and walked out of my life. I thought that you trusted me. And then you lied to my face. And then I find out that you had lived this whole other life that none of us knew about. For six years I thought you were this one person and you turned out to be someone I barely even recognized. I walked through your apartment with Rossi and it felt like I was digging through a stranger's life."

Hearing him say the words physically hurt her but she wanted him to continue. Emily thought that if he could get everything off of his chest that they could finally move forward. Put this whole nightmare behind them and get on with their lives. She knew it wasn't that simple but maybe it would be a start. "Derek, you have no idea how much I wanted to tell you everything. I felt like I hadn't slept in months. I was constantly on edge, staring at the door to my apartment for hours on end at night because I was afraid that if I closed my eyes for even one minute, that he would show up in my apartment. He knew where I lived, where I worked, my route to work, my freaking cell phone number. And all I wanted to do was let you guys help. But I knew that's exactly what he wanted. He knew about all of you. Knew you were my family. And he used it to his advantage. He knew that if he threatened you I'd do exactly what I did and follow him out of town. He got exactly what he wanted."

A tear slipped down her cheek and she closed her eyes, willing them to stop falling. She didn't want his pity. She just wanted him to understand why she did what she did. "I pushed everyone I loved out of my life. I shirked my duties at work, doing the bare minimum I needed to so Hotch couldn't say anything, I stopped returning JJ's calls, I snapped at Garcia, I ignored Reid and Rossi. And worst of all…I pushed you away. I picked fights with you so you'd stop caring. I knew you knew something was wrong but I couldn't handle your concern because I know you'd jump to my defense, no questions asked. And Doyle wasn't some common stalker that we deal with every day. He was dangerous and I knew how dangerous he could be, especially when someone wronged him. And out of everyone in his life, I had hurt him the worst. And when I found out he had escaped from prison, especially after everything I did to him and how he thought I was responsible for Declan's death, I knew he would stop at nothing until he found me. And he would do anything he could to make me suffer, including coming after all of you. I couldn't let that happen, Derek."

She was openly crying now and as much as he wanted to be strong, to remain neutral and listen but keep his distance emotionally, he couldn't do it. Because for everything they had been through, she was still his friend. And he couldn't just sit there and pretend that he didn't care that she was hurting. He grabbed her hand and gently tugged her closer to himself, pulling her against his body and wrapping his arms around her. He stopped himself from inhaling the scent of her hair, the sweet perfume of her shampoo that he remembered so well. "It would be easier for me to sit here and pretend that I don't care. To accept your apology and say goodnight, knowing that I was going to keep my distance from you and interact only when I need to. But I know that would never happen." She looked up at him with hopeful eyes, begging him to continue. "When Rossi and I walked through your apartment, I was pissed about everything I had heard. We had just left Quantico and listened to JJ rattle off details about this person that I thought I had known. But I realized that I didn't really know you at all. And as I walked through your bedroom, I realized it wasn't just the fact that you lied to all of us. It was that you lied to _me._ I felt like you and I had grown closer over the last several months. Hell…people around the Bureau were speculating that we were together. And I had decided I liked all of the speculation…the more I thought about it, the more natural it seemed."

Emily's heart pounded in her chest. She had always wondered if her thoughts were totally one-sided. And to hear him go down that road, especially after all of this, gave her a little bit of hope that maybe they really could put all of this behind them.

"And then you were gone," Derek continued. "We were calling and calling you, trying to figure out what your connection to all of this was. And when we finally discovered your phone in the desk, I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. Because at that moment, I felt like I was never going to see you again. At least not alive. And all I could think about was the fact that I had never actually told _you_ what I was feeling. A few hours later, Rossi and I were walking through your bedroom and all I kept seeing was you in bed, with that monster's hands all over you. And when JJ told me that you died…when I was at your funeral…and for months afterwards, I keep seeing that same image. I know they're not the most appropriate thoughts one should have about their partner…but I keep seeing you with him, limbs tangled up in the sheets, your head thrown back in ecstasy with his hands moved all over your body, while he looked straight at me, almost like he knew I was there watching. I would close my eyes at night and have that same vision except at some point it started to be me in that bed with you. At least that was the way it started, it was me and then right before it ended I would blink and I would be back on the outside looking in, watching Doyle touch you and kiss you, all the while taunting me that he had you and I never would. For months it's either been that or the image of you dying on the warehouse floor and I just want both of those images to stop, Emily. I _need_ them to stop."

Emily swallowed, feeling like they had entered dangerous territory. This is not what she had gone there for. Not that she'd never thought about it. Even before this whole nightmare began, there was always something there between them. But while she was in Paris, she found herself thinking about it more and more and it killed her to think how she had hurt him. How they would never be the same again.

Now he sat in front of her and basically confessed to her that he had feelings for her. At least he did at one point. And the way he just described the visions he had about her, she couldn't figure out whether to be disgusted or turned on. "Derek…" she whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek, turning his face towards her.

He shook his head, pushing away from her and standing up. "It's messed up, I know. I'm sorry…I've probably made you uncomfortable now. Let's just forget it."

"No." Her abrupt word stopped him in his tracks and she stood up with him, his back towards her. "I don't want to forget it, Derek." He didn't turn around but Emily took a deep breath, figuring after all of this, she should just totally lay it on the line. They were already at a place where they were going to have to figure out how to work with each other again. If this didn't go the way she wanted it to, she figured she was no worse off than she was before coming here tonight. "I want it to you be you too."

**Please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**I just wanted to thank all of you that took the time to review, follow and/or favorite the first part of this story, especially Lovelover123, Nix1978, RealMe07, thesoundofasmile, Trunte37, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, CrimeFan23, and the several Guests. Here's the second and last part! Just to warn you, this chapter is definitely rated M. Enjoy**_!

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Derek spun around, his eyes hopeful but also feeling like this evening had just taken a very dangerous turn. He should've expected something explosive after basically describing his visions of them in bed together. But this was going in a direction he genuinely hadn't actually expected to happen. "You do?" He questioned, his eyes darkening in lust as he stepped towards her.

Emily caught her bottom lip in her teeth and felt her cheeks flush, from nerves…excitement…she wasn't sure. "When I was in Paris, I would lie in bed at night and think about all of you. What you were doing at that moment. What horribly heinous crime you were dealing with it the time. And then I would picture each of you individually. What JJ was doing with little Henry. How Kevin and Garcia were getting along. Hotch and Jack. Reid and his headaches. If Rossi had finished his book. But with you, it was different. I would think about you meeting someone…in bed with them…and how desperately I wanted that person to be me."

She turned around, embarrassed by her admittance when she felt his hands snake around her waist and pull her back against his chest. She felt his hot breath by her ear. "I wanted it to be you too," Derek whispered, capturing her earlobe in his mouth and biting gently, causing her to moan. His lips moved down to her neck as she threw her head back on his shoulder.

"Derek," Emily breathed, reaching a hand up behind his head and holding it to her neck. "This isn't what I was expecting when I came here. I just want you to know that."

"I know," he growled between his ministrations on her neck. "It's not what I thought when you came here either. I've wanted this…wanted _you_…for a long time, Em. But if you don't want this, we can stop right now and it would be fine. I swear to you, Emily."

Her eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his lips on her neck and his hands beginning to move over her body. "No," She whispered. "Please…don't stop."

Derek turned her around at that point and captured her lips with his, his tongue seeking entry. She opened up and allowed him in, swallowing the moan that threatened to escape as he pulled her tight against his hard body. He began backing them up at that point, heading towards the stairs. She reluctantly pulled away, grabbing his hand and leading him up the stairs. They didn't say a word during the short journey and when they entered his bedroom, Emily had a new-found confidence. "Tell me about those visions you had."

His eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

Emily nodded. "Come on, Derek," She took a step back reaching for the top button on her shirt and beginning to unfasten them, one by one, until it lay open, revealing creamy white breasts peeking over top of a black, lacy bra. Her smooth skin marred by one imperfection, the four-leaf clover branded at the top of her left breast. Derek reached out, wanting to touch it…wanting to touch her…but she stepped just out of reach. "I just want to make sure I can live up to your expectations."

He stared at her as she slipped the blouse off of her shoulders, standing there in her bra and jeans. His eyes couldn't help but travel to her torso, the 4 inch raised scar in the middle of an otherwise perfectly taut stomach. Her self-consciousness getting the best of her, she felt her heart pounding in her chest, embarrassed by the imperfections on her body. In an effort to distract him, her hands went to the buttons of her jeans but she stopped there, as he opened his mouth to talk.

"You want to know what I saw?" Derek asked, pulling his shirt over his head, watching as her eyes darkened in lust when she nodded, swallowing hard. He reached out and pulled her to him, her torso pressed up against his. Skin on skin. "Your eyes closed as my lips trailed their way down your body. Your back arched and head tipped back as I kissed and licked your breasts. Your body writhing as my lips trailed lower and lower, kissing your belly, your hip bone, the inside of your thighs, inching closer and closer…"

His words died on his lips as Emily pulled his head down and crushed her lips against his, a groan pulling from deep within her throat as Derek's tongue probed her mouth. He reached around and unclasped her lacy bra, pulling the straps down her arms and watching as it fell to the ground. His lips moved down to her jaw and then trailed back towards her ear lobe as his right hand reached up and massaged her breast, his fingers trailing lightly over the brand on her chest. It felt perfect in his hands, something he had only imagined in his fantasies when he thought she was dead.

Emily's hands ran all over his chest, over the hard muscles she never really thought she would ever get the chance to feel. She felt Derek push her back towards the bed and stopped when the back of her legs hit the mattress. He pushed her back on the bed, reaching up and undoing the button fly of her jeans. Emily pushed herself back to the pillows and sat up on her elbows, watching as he pulled her jeans down her legs, leaving her in only her black, lace thong. "You are so fucking beautiful," he growled, unbuttoning his own jeans and kicking them off before crawling over top of her body.

She moaned again as his tongue pushed into her mouth for a minute before his lips began the path down her body that he had just described. Her head tipped back as a pleasured sigh escaped her lips and Derek had to fight the visions of déjà vu he had. This was now. This was real. And it was turning out better than he could have ever imagined. He briefly kissed the branded clover, her nerve endings heightened as his lips caressed the sensitive skin, before he caught a nipple in his mouth, causing her to cry out, as his hand massaged her other breast. His paid equal attention to the other side before moving lower, kissing the skin of her taut stomach, his lips trailing over the scar on her belly, before he veered off towards her hip bone, his hand trailing lightly up the outside of her thigh.

"Derek…please…" She begged, her body arching further and coming off of the bed. His lips moved down to her inner thighs as he kissed and licked his way to where she wanted him most. He finally kissed her over the lace, feeling just how aroused she was. The feel of his tongue on her through the lace fabric was amazing and she cried out, feeling like her heart was going to pound out of her chest at any minute. Slowly he removed the black thong from her body and finally gave in to her pleas, his tongue licking her soaking wet folds. His tongue continued to stroke her before moving to her sensitive bundle of nerves, while at the same time entering her with two fingers.

"Oh God!" Emily cried out, her hips bucking off of the bed as he pumped his fingers in and out, all the while sucking on her sensitive nub. He added a third finger and she began to feel heat pool in her belly, knowing she was close. "Please…don't stop, Derek. God, you feel so good."

Derek's heart soared, hearing his name rip from her throat, knowing that he was causing her cries of ecstasy. Him…not Doyle. He felt a surge of pride at that. There would be no blinking and Ian Doyle being in her bed again, taunting Derek as he watched from afar. It was him this time and Emily was his. He kept up his ministrations as he felt Emily's whole body tighten and then heard her cry out as her orgasm ripped through her. His fingers slowed as his tongue slowly worked her while she rode out her orgasm. Finally he pulled away, his boxer-clad body crawling up hers. He was surprised as she reached up and pulled his head down to hers, groaning as she tasted herself on his lips.

"I need you," she growled. "God Derek…I need you. Now."

She helped him remove his boxers before taking his length into her hands and pumping slowly. He was still kneeling over her and his chin dropped towards his chest, the feel of her hand on him making him feel like he was going to lose control. And he didn't want this over before it even began. "Stop, Em." He grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from him, positioning himself at her entrance. Without warning he pushed inside of her causing her to cry out in pleasure? Pain? He wasn't so sure.

"You okay?" He asked, pausing momentarily. He figured…at least he had hoped…that it had been a while for her and gave her a minute to adjust to his size.

She opened her eyes and smiled lazily. "Perfect."

Derek slowly began moving within her. "God, you feel amazing, Em." His forehead was pressed against hers and he kissed her slowly. "I missed you so much."

Her head rolled back. "I missed you too."

He kept up his pace, his arms wrapping around her torso and crushing her body against his. When she lifted a bent leg and rested it against the side of his rib cage, the change in position allowed him to go even deeper and he groaned. Soon he felt a tightening in his gut and knew he was close. "Jesus…Em…"

"I know." Emily didn't need to hear the rest. She knew this was better than either of them could have imagined. She felt the familiar tightening in her belly and didn't want to hold off any longer. "Derek…I'm so close."

"Come for me, Em," He growled.

She felt it in her toes first and it spread through her like wild fire. "Derek!" Her body exploded at that moment and Derek followed not long behind her, emptying himself into her as her name fell from his lips. His tired, sweaty body collapsed on hers as her fingertips trailed lazily up and down his back.

"So I guess our friendship is effectively ruined," he grinned up at her.

She laughed, tossing her head back slightly. "Eh…we weren't that good of friends anyway."

Derek rolled off of her and pulled her back against his chest. "Seriously…Em. I don't think I can be just your friend anymore," he breathed into her ear.

"Good. Because I haven't wanted to be 'just your friend' in over a year. And now that I've had a taste, I don't think I'll be able to stop anytime soon." She craned her neck towards him and captured his lips in a searing kiss. "I really did miss you, Derek."

He smiled sweetly, pecking her on the nose. "I missed you too, Em. I'm really glad you're home."

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_**Just a quick credit to the writers of **_**Friends_ for the line about their friendship being ruined at the end. For those fans of the show, you may recognize that as an exchange between Monica and Chandler. :-) It fit this story and I couldn't resist when it popped into my head._**

_**I hope you enjoyed this little two-shot. I would love to hear your thoughts! **_

_**Back to The Lies That Bind. I hope to have the next chapter posted soon! **_


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